Dear Daddy,
Where have you been?
And what I mean is this: it's not like I haven't seen you daily. We've shared the same address forever, but never, it seems, the same life space. And now my life's spaces that are left empty by our distance have created a vacuum of feelings that I have tried over and over to fill with someone else...
Daddy, they could never be you.
In every man I know, I look for pieces of what we missed. I mean, you rarely even kissed my on the forehead before bed. And I have found many who were willing, but daddy, they're not you. The innocence was missing from their kisses. They were misters looking for a misses and I happened to fit the part. But, they never were able to fill that hole in my heart....so I kept looking. I found imitation after imitation and all I wanted was an unadulterated version of love. The kind a daddy is suppose to give his little girl - the kind that respects and protects and finds magic in her smile and I want that from you, daddy.
I want to cry into your shoulder at my wedding when I know I've found the only man who will treat me with the fullness of love that you have; that reflects the love of both my earthly and heavenly fathers. I want to see in him what I knew from you, which showed me just a glimpse of how God sees me. I want to know he is capable of loving your daughter the way you loved me.
But I don't know what that love is like. Maybe you didn't know how to give it.
So, I'll keep looking, daddy. I will look and never settle for anyone absent. I'm filling in that heart hole with love for you. And maybe, one day, you'll learn to love me as your little girl, too...even though I'm all grown up.
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